I hear it’s universal. A spouse dies and before you know it, someone – usually a grown child – brings up the “D” word: Have you considered getting a dog?

Apparently, the reasoning goes, there is a resemblance between the two.

“Dogs are such good company,” says my diplomatic oldest, the owner of an almost-human pug named Winston. He raises the subject obliquely by suggesting that a dog might bring comfort to his mother-in-law, also a widow.

“They meet you at the door,” he says. “They are always happy to see you.”

“They pee on the carpet,” I add.

“Of course, they are not for everyone,” he says.

I marvel at his dexterity. The one who as a toddler crouched so low under the coffee table that he never bumped his head has constructed a safe escape route and happily moved on.
Not so with his younger brother. “Oughta get a dog,” he says. “Might want to check your front porch.”

He waits for a reaction.

The one who in middle school parked a toilet on the neighbor’s front porch seems capable of delivering more than flowers.

“Don’t you dare,” I say, and try giving him the evil eye, which brings back a smirk I haven’t seen in 20 years.

Even the sensitive youngest jumps on board. “It’s karma,” she whispers as a yellow lab therapy dog surveys the entire circle at a grief group we’re attending and takes a running leap for my lap.

“He’s smelly,” I whisper back, apparently none too quietly because the next week Karma Dog hops back up thoroughly shampooed. This time he looks up with soulful brown eyes and nuzzles me like an old friend.

I have to admit that in the anniversary month of my husband’s death Karma Dog gives me pause. He seems fairly intelligent. I suppose we could have a conversation about dinner or possibly going for a walk and whether he might be able to contain himself this time and not take off after the Doberman down the street and get us both killed.

But I’ve never met a dog who could provide a one-word reminder, based on a story shared only by us, that this is not the first time I have over-reacted to some “crisis” that really was not.

I’ve never met a dog so diplomatic that he would begin any slightly adversarial conversation with the words “I have a request….”

And I’ve never met a dog who offered an opinion on the global implications of an oil slick off the coast of Mississippi or the likelihood of Barack Obama’s old Senate seat turning Republican in 2010.

No doubt, Karma Dog has many fine qualities. I am sure that he would greet me with cuddling and unconditional love and wild enthusiasm after a nano-second’s absence to bring in the mail.

My husband, on the other hand, might have simply looked up from the computer, made a comment on the news, and offered to make a salad for dinner.

Somehow, I liked that better.

Copyright 2010 Pat Snyder

What kind of Dog Journal would this be if we didn’t salute National Scoop-The-Poop Week?

And the best way I know to celebrate is to share our favorite pooper-scooper stories.

Has your little friend ever humiliated you on that trip around the block?  Made you laugh?  Share your best pooper-scooper story here.

The winning entry will receive a free autographed copy of my upcoming book “The Dog Ate My Planner” and – who knows – maybe some of those nifty little scooper bags.

Meet Henry, the much-loved dog of German Village resident Mary B. Relotto. “Mary B,” as she’s known, has just won a contest I ran to name the cartoon dog on the cover of my upcoming book of columns and stress relief tips, The Dog Ate My Planner.

The name she sent in, of course, was “Henry”, in honor of her own dog, who she says is so wise that if he ever ate her planner, it would be to send her the message: “Slow down sister!” 

 “Wow!” I thought.  “Henry must be a genius!  A stress-relief guru!”

Just looking at him relieves my stress, which brings me to the Aha! moment that came from talking with dog-lovers who wanted to win a drawing of their own favorite pet, drawn by the book’s illustrator, Michael H. Whiting. 

Although the dog in The Dog is a pesky creature that stands for all the “dogs” in our life that disrupt our plans, these dog people have me convinced: The world would be a happier place if everyone owned a real dog.  

OK. I know everyone can’t.  Thanks to my husband’s allergies, I have rare visiting privileges in Dog Land.  And some prefer cats, ferrets, guinea pigs or goldfish.  

But it’s enormously fun to mingle with dog people. What great stories they tell!  All with a smile. 

In case you, too, have been dog-deprived, here’s what I now know:

You can have your mutt’s DNA tested, to see what he really is.  But the word is they all turn out to be 50% German shepherd.  Huh?

Dogs can get dementia.  One woman said she had to medicate hers because he got Sundowner’s Syndrome and wandered around the house all night. 

There really are gourmet pet bakeries and dog washes, little shops with tubs where you can drop off your muddy-footed pooch after a rainy day trip to the park while you go off and sip a Cappuccino.  But if your buddy has separation anxiety, I’m told it might be better to get the Cappuccino to go and stay right there with him. 

There are pet parties where dog ware is sold like Tupperware, and the hostess wins a prize.  And there are dog parks where only dogs (like only children) go to socialize and their owners stand by nervously hoping the Doberman or Rottweiler who belongs to someone else had more than a gourmet cookie for lunch. (Apologies to Doberman and Rottweiler owners).

None of this would I have known if I had not been cruising through the alternate universe of canine-lovers, looking for dog names.

Now I must admit that I bumped into a few folks who had run into problems with dogs just as pesky as the mythical ones in my book.  The runner-up, Carolyn Fergus of Wesley Glen retirement community in Clintonville, recalled how her lab Dinah had once eaten her checkbook.  (“Not the checks, the transaction register for the previous nine months”).  She named my dog “Trouble.”

Cat-lovers and anyone else who’d like to comment about the value of dogs are welcome to do so here.  And don’t forget to check out the great list of other suggested names in the home page story (”We Have A Winner!”) – just in case you decide to get a dog. I’d recommend it.