Help! I’m having an identity crisis.
Just weeks after the birth of my first grandchild, I’m stumped by the answer everyone needs to know: “What will she call you?”
When this first came up, I, the Mother of Taylor Joy’s dad, deferred.
“What does your mom want to be called?” I asked my daughter-in-law.
“Not grandma,” she said.
I was stunned that the classic name was not taken.
“I want it!” I almost said, then hesitated. If my lively and elegant counterpart was not interested in the name, there had to be a reason.
“How come?” I asked.
“Not fun enough,” she said. “She wants ‘nana.’”
The prospect of being the less fun grandma is not a happy one. I see heel marks along my driveway. “No! No! No!” cries Taylor Joy. “Not the boring one!”
I remember how my own daughter squealed with delight when my mother-in-law (“Mimi,” of course) danced with bananas in her ears and sang silly songs. Is it really Grandma is as grandma does, or is there something to this name thing?
I had no choice but to turn to my usual wellsprings of wisdom: Google and my friends.
Google quickly affirmed what I had somehow missed. “Grandma” is not a favored term among Boomers. An entire book has been written on the subject (Who Are You Calling Grandma?: True Confessions of a Baby Boomer’s Passage) by a California woman, Maridel Bowes, who’s convinced the naming phenomenon shows a “generation of women caught in the web of cultural transformation: changing norms, roles and societal mores.”
Yikes!
A quick survey of friends showed that the name must matter. Gari, who eventually became “grandma,” confessed that she referred to her first grandson as “my daughter’s baby,” but that it didn’t work “because most people figured out that I had become a grandmother.” Now she’s Grandma Ohio to some, but thinks the name’s not as fun as the other grandmother’s: Grandma Texas.
Liz told me that grandma “beats the heck out of granny.” My cousin Donna likes being “Mimi” and has a friend whose name is “Mimi Twink.” Cousin Dave told me “MeeMaw” is already taken.
I thought I’d solved the name problem when Mary Y, also a brand new grandma, told me she just says, “I don’t know. He’s not talking yet.” But when I tried that, my friend Karen said I needed a name “for infant bonding.” I thought eyes were enough for that, but who knows.
Apparently I’m worried about all this because I felt a twinge of jealousy when Mary C told me her daughter wasn’t quite ready to think of her as a grandma and suggested the Italian “Nonna,” because the soft, melodious sound suited her, which it does. I love that it morphed into “Nooney Baloney.”
For now, I’m going with Carole, who decided to be called the same as her mom (Nana) because the children loved her so much. So thanks to my mom, who was spectacular at the grandma thing, I’m walking on the wild side in Boomer Land and just being Grandma.
Unless Taylor has other ideas, that is. Then I’d do a name change. To anything. As long as it makes her giggle.
6 Responses
Hello Pat!
Loved your column in the HILLIARD NORTHWEST NEWS yesterday – I also struggled with what to be called when my first grandchild was born 5 years ago – my marvelous Makayla – her Daddy is Dutch so his mother is called “OMA” which sounds nice I think – my mother, my sister and my sister in law are all Nanas ( and my sister in law, who is Jewish, would normally be called “Bubba” but she nixed that right away) – so I didn’t want to go that route – a friend suggested GG – it stands for Gorgeous Grandma – pretty cute- but my son in law came up with the perfect name – as I mentioned, my Mother was Nana and my Dad was Granddryden – his last name and my maiden name was Dryden and I named his father Granddryden when I was a child and it stuck for my Dad as well – so my son in law suggested Granddebby! And that has been delightful – I now have 4 grandchildren – 2 boys 2 girls and they all call me GrandDebby! In addition to Oma, the boys have a grandparent named Mommom and one traditional Grandma Carol. Thanks for the lighthearted spotlight on a “boomer” controversy!
Debby
Until my grandson, Gavin, decides otherwise, I am Grandpa following in a long line of Grandpas starting with my own which is as far back as I can go. I got first dibs on the title, Grandpa, since I was there at the hospital when he joined this plane of existence as the first baby born at Yale University on 1/1/07. His other grandparents had to give up and go home to Virginia since Gavin did not come at the time first prophesied. As far as how popular this might be with other Boomers, instead of a boom, I’ve always been just a small pop so I can’t be concerned with how out of fashion I might be.
Pat, you forget that no matter what you call yourself or what your grandchild’s mother will call you, sometimes the kid will decide for him/herself. My mother-in-law softly refused being called “Grandma” because she thought it made her sound old. My kids eventually ended up calling her “Grammy”, and honestly, I don’t know how that came about. I just let it happen. The Grandpa in our family is “Grampie”, and that morphed about that same way. Good luck and don’t worry about it…the kids really will decided.
Hi, Had to laugh when I happened upon your site today, and this entry in particular. I am “Grammy” to four beautiful granddaughters, ranging in age from almost 21 to age 6. My first, Danielle, named all of her grandparents when she was old enough to talk. I am “Grammy”. Her paternal grandmother is “little grandma” (because she is petite, around 5′ tall); my mother is “big grandma”, not because she is overweight, but because she is taller than “little grandma” so that’s how Danielle made the distinction :). I don’t remember what she called her grandfathers (they’re all gone now), but I’m still Grammy to Danielle and the rest. And each time I hear it, I melt. Enjoy yourself, whatever you’re called. As my mom used to say, I don’t care what you call me, just call me to supper. Have a great life!
Hi Pat–
This response is a an after-the-blog fact, but just wanted to drop by and say thanks! In doing my occasional Google search to see how I’m faring in cyberspace, I found your blog with a mention of me and my book, “Who Are You Calling Grandma?” Sweet!
I’d love to know what name you decided on — Nana? or did something else come along?
Warmly,
Maridel
Hi, Maridel –
Good to hear from you! I’m still sticking with grandma until Taylor herself comes up with something better. At not quite 7 months, she’s not saying. Beautiful and brilliant as she is, though, I’m expecting a name and a full sentence explaining it any day.